Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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