you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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