He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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