why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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