I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
worst night to have a conscience
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
