Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
