We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
