I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
