Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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