dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
