i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
