end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
