What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
