they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
