Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
