Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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