Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
