Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dicks are not precious.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
