Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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