I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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