i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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