who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I did not marry a roomba.
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