I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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