I wish I could teleport
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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