so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize