I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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