I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
