Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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