I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
