margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
