My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
