May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
