doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
