I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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