I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
