I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize