Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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