Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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