I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
