Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
