I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
