i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
