you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
