one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
