I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
