More tranny stories later!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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