i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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