i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
