can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
they're like a gay fantastic four
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
