sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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