need another drink. this is the easiest way
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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