i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
