Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
