No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
