he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
