I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
