Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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