he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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