he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.