I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there