Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna fight the coyote