my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night