I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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